Reflections

Never comfortable

Occasionally I think about how all the words that we put up on the Internet, will be read by people in the future after we are long dead.

I also think about and am unnerved by the notion of having to explain myself to God for everything I say and do. Therefore, I am not totally comfortable about my last post. We are supposed to forgive as we have been forgiven, right? Have no memory of the trespasses against us, right?

Part of my devotion for this morning was a full reading of 1 Samuel 23 and I continued on to chapter 24. This was where King Saul was in the midst of his ten-year hunt for David. Remember that David had done nothing to Saul; the hunt was merely due to Saul’s jealousy because he knew that the Lord had appointed David to be king of Israel over him. Saul lost his anointing through disobedience to the Lord’s instructions as relayed by the prophet Samuel.

In passages I read, Saul’s army is chasing David’s much smaller army while the Lord is providing ways of escape for David and his men. Finally, the Lord delivers Saul into David’s hands and tell David to do with Saul what seems best to him. Saul and his army are asleep and David’s men are urging him to kill Saul. But when David goes to do so, his conscience takes over. Instead, he cut’s off one of the tassels on Saul’s robe while the sleeping Saul and his men are none the wiser.

Later, when Saul and his army have awakened and are on the move again, David comes out from his hiding place to show Saul the tassel; that he could have killed Saul, but didn’t.

For ten years Saul wasted his time seeking to kill David over something over which David had no control.

I’m not totally sure how the lessons of this story might apply to my situation - except for the forgiveness part - but there it is.

I have considered unpublishing the post a number of times already. However, when I read it again, that instinct goes away. Is that vengeance talking? But I don’t want anything bad to happen to TLA; I just want my money. I haven’t posted the full essay in other platforms yet. If I do that, there will be no going back, especially if I post it in Instagram.

Progress: the roommate asked for my PayPal information. So, I will change the word “bitch” in the previous post. Words matter.

If TLA starts paying what he owes me, I will unpublish it, but not delete it. Thieves and liars need motivation to do right.

Of course, I will be turning these things over further in my mind.

UPDATE: TLA started paying me back so I unpublished the post.