Anger and Disagreement
People hate it when you disagree with them. Yes, me too.
No matter how reasonable they are, how willing to listen, nor how much they actively acknowledge the self-evident truth that each of us is different from every other in countless ways - even so-called identical twins - any given person’s first reaction to disagreement is anger.
That reaction many not even manifest itself, may last less than a second, and it may be so tamed or so dominant that is doesn’t even register to the person feeling the anger, but it exists for everyone who isn’t stunted emotionally. The person who has learned to tame his anger knows when it is appropriate and when it isn’t; that anger lasts but a second - if that long - and this process has become similar to an autonomic function.
Like breathing.
The one whose anger is dominant is the problem, however. That anger can last indefinitely without the angry person even acknowledging it. But, for sure, everyone who comes into contact with that person feels the fire, often because that fire is directed at them.
Those who have tamed their anger learn to ask why other people disagree. Such persons thoughtfully consider the other points of view if it is cogently explained and argued.
The anger-dominated person never asks why, but simply goes into attack mode, and why not? Because, to her, you have initiated the attack by disagreeing with her and all she is doing is responding in kind … or so she perceives. The anger dominated chick's response has become autonomic also.
The angry seem to have reproduced like rabbits in highly trafficked online political comment sections of late, but they’ve always been around. Think about some family members we all have with whom we limit the topics of conversation. And let’s not even get started on the last five presidential elections - or the upcoming one.
Just remember that there are many people out there who view any deviation from their own opinion as an affront to their very personhood, to their right to exist. Remember it and have sympathy for them. They have nothing else and many of them don’t want anything else, because they don’t know that anything else exists.
Of late is seems to me that more people than before have abandoned their filters. Being online removes many of the cues we display in interpersonal behavior, but well adjusted people still act as though they are there. For one thing, if you act differently online than you would face to face, it risks eroding those filters.
But there are people for whom there are no intermediate steps between "hello" and "kill everybody in the room." Online that just leads to a flame war, but worst case ends up with walking into a grocery store or school with a weapon.
Are we creating more psychopaths?
I was just watching Sanford and Son！